Suicide Mission
by Wolf77
Summary: Alex is having a hard time getting his life back together since his work with MI6 ended. He struggles with depression and substance abuse and it's Ben's job to help him through it. WARNING: Suicidal thoughts and actions. ONE-SHOT


**A/N: Hey guys! Long time no see huh? Just kidding. I posted a different story just a few weeks ago. Interestingly enough, that story was also about depression and attempted suicide. Wow, I hope this isn't becoming a theme with me. Anyway, I just wanted to warn you, as mentioned before, yes, this story is about depression and there is attempted suicide. Please leave reviews at the end. I'd love to hear what you guys think. Also note, this is just a one shot so I won't be posting any more of this story. Thanks for reading!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Alex Rider or any of the characters though I sincerely wish I did.**_

Alex was in a bar. Alex was always in a bar these days. It didn't matter that he wasn't old enough to drink, just that he drank. . . A lot. He wanted to drown his sorrows, or himself (whichever came first), in a bottle and forget he even existed. People had gotten hurt because of him, good people who didn't deserve it. That's how he appeared now, a common drunk sitting at a bar, nursing whatever the bartender sent his way.

To the other occupants of the bar, he was a mystery. He never talked to anyone unless it was to order another drink. He used to get in a lot of bar fights with drunk hot-heads looking for a reaction. He always won. Nobody fought him anymore. They'd learned by now that it didn't matter how drunk he was, he was dangerous. In fact, he was probably more dangerous when he was drunk because he didn't have the mental capacity to show restraint. Even the bouncers steered clear of him. There was only one person who could get through to him.

Ben Daniels walked through the front door and wove his way through the crowd of people toward Alex. He hadn't even had to pause to look around for him. He knew exactly where Alex was going to be. The boy had a sort of reserved seat at this point.

"Alex, time to go home," Ben said gently when he reached the kid.

"Ben, they're all gone," Alex slurred without taking his eyes off the countertop. "I've got no one left."

"Shh. I know," Ben comforted. "Time to go home." He took Alex's arm gently and led him away from the bar. He didn't bother telling the bartender to send him the bill. They knew the drill. As Alex stumbled away from the bar, Ben put the boy's arm around his shoulders and did his best to support the kid, leading him to the car.

As soon as they got home, Alex stumbled up to his room and collapsed on his bed without bothering to undress. He was out within seconds. Ben could only look at him sadly and set a glass of water and some aspirin on the nightstand for when he woke up. Then he went to bed himself. It was almost one in the morning after all.

Alex woke up with a gasp, heart racing from the nightmare he'd just had. He fell back against his pillow as his hangover caught up with him and glanced at the clock as he reached for the aspirin that Ben had left him. He groaned when he saw it was only four in the morning. Wasn't it too early to already be having nightmares about the friends he'd buried, the ones whose deaths had been his fault?

That was the thing about alcohol. It only ever allowed him a temporary reprieve from his guilt, and Alex was becoming increasingly more desperate for a permanent fix. He crossed his room, opening the drawer where the gun he'd stolen from Ben last week was hidden. So far, all he'd been able to do was look at it and imagine how it would feel having the cool metal to his temple just before oblivion. He thought maybe tonight would be the night. However, as he reached in, fingers searching for the deadly object, his hand closed around nothing_._ Alex swore. Ben must've found it and confiscated it. He sat back down on the edge of his bed. What was he going to do now? Suddenly, he had an idea. Alex left his room and headed for the garage.

Ben woke with a start. He wasn't sure exactly what had woken him but he could tell something was wrong. Being SAS and ex-MI6, he had learned long ago to trust instincts like that. He sat for a minute, trying to figure out what was off. Suddenly, it hit him. The car was running in the garage! A stab of panic ran through him and Ben was instantly up. He sprinted to Alex's room but the boy wasn't there. Ben dialed 999 as he sprinted down the stairs to the garage. He ran through the kitchen and slid into the door in his haste. He grabbed the door handle and wrenched it open as he breathlessly told the emergency operator his address and explained that he needed an ambulance. What he saw once the door was open made him drop the phone and it shattered on concrete floor. Alex was leaning against one of the car windows, eyes closed. There was a rubber tube fit around the car's exhaust that led back into the car. What gas managed to escape was let out into the closed garage. Ben quickly hit the garage door opener and sprinted to the car as the door went up.

"Alex!" Ben yelled in alarm, grabbing the door handle and pulling with all his might. It was no use. The car doors were locked. Ben glanced around the garage in a panic. He had to get the door open! He had to get it open now! His eyes lit on his toolbox. Surely something in there could help. He opened it and took out a hammer, weighing it in his grip for a second. Then, he got up and swung as hard as he could at the driver's side window. It took three hits to shatter the glass. Ben reached through the broken window and unlocked the car. He opened the back passenger door as quickly as he could and dragged Alex out of the garage. In the back of his mind, Ben could hear the ambulance sirens about a block away but his primary concern right now was Alex. His lips were a pale blue. Ben put his ear next to them, waiting to hear the faint sound of breathing, to feel the soft tickle of wind from a shallow exhale, anything to show that he wasn't too late. Nothing. He got nothing. Alex wasn't breathing.

"No!" Ben shouted. "No, Alex, you're okay. Wake up and tell me you're fine." Ben started chest compressions and swore. "Alex you idiot!" He shouted, tears streaming down his face. "Come on!" Strong but gentle arms pulled Ben away and someone, Ben dimly realized it must be a paramedic, took his place.

"Sir? Sir!" The other paramedic said, trying to get his attention. Ben turned to him slowly, eyes still filled with tears. "Sir, what's your name?" The man asked gently.

"Me? Uh. . . Ben," he answered. "That's A-Alex." Ben's voice broke at saying the younger man's name.

"And how do you know him?" The paramedic asked.

"I'm his guardian."

"And can you tell us what happened? How long has he been like this?" Ben shrugged.

"I woke up and heard the car running. I knew right away it was Alex. He's been struggling with depression since his previous guardian died. I called 999 and ran to the garage. I used a hammer to smash the window so I could unlock the car but by the time I got him out he wasn't breathing. He's been seeing a therapist. I thought it would help him." The paramedic nodded in sympathy. Suddenly, there was a gasp and Ben turned around.

"Got him!" The other paramedic exclaimed triumphantly. "Go get the oxygen mask. He's gonna need it." Alex's eyes fluttered for a moment but he didn't wake. Ben nearly collapsed in relief.

"Alex you idiot," Ben whispered softly, but this time his tears were those of joy.

Alex woke up with a low groan. His head felt like it might explode. He felt someone next to him rubbing the back of his hand comfortingly with their thumb.

"Hey Ben," Alex mumbled groggily, opening his eyes slowly. Attached to his wrist was one of those hospital handcuffs, chaining him to the bed. Alex closed his eyes again. "What's with the bling?" When he got no answer or reaction to his attempt at humor, he opened his eyes, seeking Ben's face, his guardian was looking at him angrily.

"Alex, do you remember last night at all?" The man asked. Alex hesitated before nodding slowly. He looked away, not wanting to see Ben's reaction.

"Alex please. I just want to understand. You're seeing a therapist. I thought it was getting better." Alex laughed humorlessly.

"She's an idiot. She doesn't know anything."

"So tell me. At least tell someone. Anyone! You have to open up to someone. You can't keep it all inside. I just want to help."

"You wouldn't understand either," Alex stated bitterly.

"Try me. Tell me why you tried to kill yourself last night. I just want to understand."

"There's no point anymore," Alex said quietly by way of explanation.

"In what? Life? Alex, how could you think that!"

"Gee, I don't know," Alex bristled. "Maybe because everyone I care about ends up dead! Don't you see Ben? I've got no one left so what's the point."

"That's bull shit Alex and you know it!" Ben yelled. He couldn't help it. "What about me? Haven't I always been there for you? What about the guys, huh? What about Wolf, Snake, Eagle? They visit as often as they can because they care about you. _I_ care about you."

"Ben. . . I. . ." Alex blanched.

"No! The older man interrupted. "Just. . ." He let out a frustrated sigh that turned into a sob and once he started, he couldn't stop. Alex put his hand on Ben's shoulder comfortingly.

"You're right," Alex said gently after Ben finally pulled himself together again. "I'm not saying that this is going to be easy or that everything is going to suddenly be okay again but I'll try okay? I'll try to get better."

"You're damn right," Ben replied, smiling weakly, and for the first time in a long time, Alex could see the light at the end of the long, dark tunnel.


End file.
